Not Another Generic Naru Basher!
by Salad Enterprises
Summary: Oh my gosh. Keitaro is involved in a serious accident, and a really angry Haruka punishes the girls one by one. I cannot believe nobody has thought of this idea before. Oh wait...
1. Not Another Generic Naru Basher!

**Not Another Generic Naru Basher!**

It was another mistake caused by one Keitaro Urashima, who accidentally tripped and groped one Naru Narusegawa's breasts. One Naru Narusegawa couldn't take it anymore and gave one Keitaro Urashima the biggest Naru punch in the world. All the tenants watched as one Keitaro Urashima was thrown thousands of feet into the beautiful blue sunny sky. Gosh, what an unpredictable way to start the story.

At last Keitaro found himself flying into the city and eventually landing smack into a road, where a lorry full of explosives was conveniently driving at top speed. Needless to say he was blown to pieces.

Three hours later and Keitaro hadn't arrived back. All the girls were starting to get worried. Sort of.

"WHERE IS THAT PERVERT?!" Naru screamed. "I WANT TO PUNCH HIM AGAIN BECAUSE I'M SO OUT OF CHARACTER!"

"Yes I also want to attack him again," Motoko said, "because apparently I'm out of character also."

Just then the phone started to ring. Haruka picked it up and listened carefully what the receiving end had to say. Then she screamed and started crying hysterically.

"Oh noes!" She wailed. "Why was I never such a good aunt to him! I'm so useless! Hopeless! Worthless!"

Just then the door opened, and Doctor Sukamokameckenzie waltzed in with a wheeled tray. On top of the tray was a big water filled jar with Keitaro's brain inside. The brain was being operated with a little machine.

"As you can clearly see," Doctor Sukamokameckenzie began to say, "Keitaro has been involved in a very tragic accident. He is suffering from a symptom known as 'fucked'."

"Why do you have such a ridiculous name?" Kitsune asked.

The doctor shrugged. "Apparently I'm an original character made by an author who thinks he is professional by giving me a fancy name, but failed miserably."

"You know, I would be suffering a lot less if you'd just let me die," Keitaro the brain said, "and will I still be allowed to retake the entrance exams?"

Meanwhile Haruka was still in tears. "THIS IS EVERYONE'S FAULT! Except Shinobu, she's perfect. YOU TREATED MY BELOVED NEPHEW LIKE SHIT AND NOW IT'S TIME FOR YOUR PUNISHMENTS! Except Shinobu, she's perfect. I HATE ALL OF YOU AND I WISH YOU WERE ALL DEAD! Except Shinobu, she's perfect."

"OH NO! NOT PUNISHMENT!" Bawled out Naru.

"What an unexpected turn of events." Added Motoko.

"Okay Naru you first," Haruka said. She snapped her fingers and four escaped convicts burst through the roof. "Guys take her away to a location nobody knows about, and make sure she is constantly raped until death. And even if she's dead you can still rape her."

"HAH! JOKES ON YOU!" Naru shouted as she was being escorted away. "I LOST MY VIRGINITY TO LIDDO-KUN SO FUCK YOU AUNTY LOSER!"

The tenants didn't know how to reply to that.

"AND I EXPECT TO SEE THE HOT SPRINGS CLEAN WHEN I GET BACK!" Naru shouted to Keitaro, before she was gone. For good.

Next it was Motoko's turn. Haruka snapped her fingers and this time Tsuruko descended from the heavens. She sliced her sword into Motoko so many times it wasn't even funny anymore. If somebody had a long stick, they could make Motoko into a kebab by now. Yes what I'm trying to say is that she is dead. Effectively dead. Effectively.

"Execution complete." Said Tsuruko.

"Dang." Said Kitsune.

"Your turn Su," said Haruka, coldly, "Lamba has arrived from… your home island… thing, and he has a few words for you."

Su gulped. Not Lamba Lu. Or was it Luu? Whatever.

"Ahem," Lamba cleared his throat, "you are herby stripped of your title as princess for everything you done is a crime blah blah etc."

"Aren't you going to punish her?" Quizzed Haruka.

"Oh I have to punish her as well?" Sighed Lamba. "Hmm, well since I can't think of anything I'm just going to spank you for the next five or so hours."

"This could be fun!" Cheered Su.

Keitaro suffered a nosebleed as he watched Lamba strip off Su's skirt and panties and proceeded to repeatedly spank her. Apparently floating brains have nosebleeds too. Maybe there was a generic eye in there as well. Use your imagination.

Kitsune stood her ground. "Oh yeah! You think you're so big and tough, bossing us all around just because we're insecure women! Well Haruka I'll tell you this…"

Haruka said no words, **BUT THE SILVER DESERT EAGLE IN HER HANDS SPOKE LOUDLY THAN WORDS COULD EVER MAKE. **At once Haruka blasted a single bullet into Kitsune's head, killing her. Effectively.

Out of the blue, Haitani and Shirai showed up and noticed Kitsune. Dead.

"Yahoo! Necrophilia for the win!" They both cheered, and its best not to think about what happens next.

During all of this Shinobu fainted seven times.

"And Shinobu, since you are neither preoccupied or dead, you win an all expenses paid trip to Disney World!"

"I love Disney World!" Shinobu said with joy, and with that she frolicked off to Disney World after bidding Haruka, Senpai and the original doctor character farewell.

Despite the spanking and the… other thing… Hinata Sou became very quiet.

"So when can I marry Mutsumi?" Keitaro asked.

Haruka laughed out loud. "Oh Keitaro!"

The doctor also laughed but Haruka gave him an evil glare, so he shut himself up. Original doctor characters aren't allowed to have a sense of humour.

**AUTHOR'S NOTES: Must have at least 10 reviews or I won't bother posting any more chapters. Grr look at me! I'm a serious author and if I don't get the respect I deserve then I will throw a temper tantrum and erase my hard disk!**

**Next chapter: I know! Let's bash an eight year old girl! Who doesn't even exist in the real world!**


	2. Bashing an eight year old child!

**I know! Let's bash an eight year old girl! Who doesn't even exist in the real world!**

Sara McDougal was so happy because she was living in America land where the sun was always shining and the burgers were always… big. Dressed in her adorable pink swimsuit, she along with Seta were both at the beach, resting on a deck chair and soaking up the sun rays the sunny sun had to offer.

The pretty but arrogant blonde girl sipped on a tall glass of strawberry milkshake, contemplating her perfect life.

"Aaah! My life is so warm and fuzzy!" Sara said to herself. "Nothing could possibly go wrong!"

But! Rising from the deep blue sea was none other than one Tsuruko Cassandra Aoyama, and she had a score to settle with that brat who abused Keitaro's life for oh about five whole times during the anime. Oh and Tsuruko has a middle name now. Her middle name is Cassandra.

"Heh heh!" The sword maiden laughed, dripping wet. "I can't wait to abuse an eight year old girl! After I'm done with her, maybe I will celebrate by having sex with Haruka!"

Without remorse she snatched Sara away from Seta (who didn't seem to care despite having a soul purpose to look after a girl who had her parents killed by cruel fate), dragging her by one leg, and proceeded to take her all the way to that Shinmei Ryou Sword Aoyama shrine training area place.

"DADDY! HELP ME!" Screamed Sara, clinging onto the sand for all she was worth, which wasn't much considering she was worthless.

Unfortunately Seta was asleep, or to put it in a more technical way, he was pretending to be asleep.

Tsuruko and Sara journeyed for a whole ten days. They encountered many demons along the way which Tsuruko easily defeated by glaring at them. They finally arrived at Tsuruko's house, which was in fact a golden palace.

"Okay I want you to clean the mess in my house!" Ordered Tsuruko.

"But it looks clean already!" Protested Sara, who by the way hasn't eaten or drunk a single thing since the ten day journey.

Tsuruko looked at her main room. Yeah, the blonde was right. It looked spotless.

Using four different techniques at once, Tsuruko completely trashed the place with her trusty sword, all in a matter of seconds.

"Get to work." She spat (in Sara's face), walking off to train.

Twenty minutes later, after she defeated eleven dragons and an evil God in one sitting, Tsuruko returned.

"Finished yet?" She snapped.

"What? I've hardly started yet!" Groaned Sara.

Now at this stage Tsuruko would have smacked the child hard in the face, but c'mon this is Tsuruko we're talking about, she wouldn't dare do a thing like that to an eight year old child who doesn't exist in the real world. Instead she punched her in the face… AND summoned her feathery phoenix friend… remember? That bird which, to my knowledge, did pretty much fuck all? Well Tsuruko called upon her bird to breathe fire all over poor Sara, who was now scorched and singed like no tomorrow. Amazingly, Sara was still alive.

Tsuruko was livid, seriously pissed. "For doing such a shit job, you are hereby to sleep naked outside in the freezing cold on a patch of muddy water!"

"Aww but I wanna sleep in your bedroom!" Sara pouted. "By the way, why are there loads of posters of Chun-Li half naked all over the place?"

Oh my God! Did Sara just talk back to Tsuruko?

**BIG.**

**FUCKING.**

**MISTAKE .**

Tsuruko punched her again, with even more force than before. "You can't sleep in my room, and its none of your business that I have a secret love affair with a computer game character!"

Tsuruko then handed Sara a strange looking jar.

"What's this?" Sara asked.

Tsuruko punched her again, with maximum force. Seriously how rude is Sara, speaking when she feels like it? Stupid dumb bitch.

"It's a spirit jar," Tsuruko replied, as it if were the most obvious thing in the world, "should you die of pneumonia, your ghostly remains will be sealed into this jar, so even in death I can constantly abuse you!"

Before Sara could whine any longer, she was promptly stripped before being kicked out of the house, where she slept in a freezing cold patch of muddy water.

And just for good measure, Sara was struck by lightning twice.

And a crocodile came along and raped her.

But amazingly she was still alive.

"It's that stupid baka Keitaro's fault!" Sara grumbled, huddling herself into a bloody, cold, naked, pathetic heap. "If he never existed none of this would have happened in the first place!"

Yep it was all Keitaro's fault. It had nothing to do with Tsuruko being a psychotic hellspawn who got thrills out of beating children and being out of character.

Twenty years had passed since that day, and Sara's daily cycle involved cleaning the room, which when it was finally tidy, Tsuruko decided to trash the place again. Other chores involved feeding the crocodile, which Sara learned was Tsuruko's pet, as well as pulling out teeth from a demon twenty times her size (the teeth were crafted into enchanted daggers by the way… yes I know this is completely irrelevant).

When Tsuruko had guests around (which was rare since she usually kills anyone who looks at her funny), Sara was always forced to entertain them by wearing a skimpy cat outfit, and singing the (made up) song of 'oh won't somebody please stroke my pussy'. Unfortunately one of the guests Tsuruko invited turned out to be a serial paedophile, who did the dirty deed on the poor blonde cat. However, the paedophile wasn't punished. In fact it was Sara who was punished for crying about it afterwards.

Then one day Sara finally did pass away. She wasn't married and she didn't even have a boyfriend, but hey at least she lost her virginity, and we all know when somebody loses their virginity they instantly BECOME BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE.

So anyway as promised, Sara's soul was sealed inside the sealed jar, which also happened to be the same jar Tsuruko kept her pickles in. Tsuruko tormented her soul for a further 100 years (Tsuruko lived until the age of 150, and she still looked fucking gorgeous), before deciding, at long last… to throw the jar into a nearby volcano.

Even as you are finishing this fic, Sara's soul was still being burned and tortured for an eternity.

All this, just because she played a couple of pranks on Keitaro.

**AUTHOR: ZOMGOSH! THANK YOUSE SO MUCH 4 TEH REVIEWZ! TIME TO HAVE A COVERSATION WITH MY FUCKED UP ALTER EGO!**

**Me1: Wow, that story was awesome wasn't it?**

**Me2: Sure was! (throws cookies randomly at baby seals)**

**Tsuruko: You can't just throw cookies randomly at baby seals! I want some cookies too!**

**Me2: Um, sorry. I'm all out!**

**Tsuruko: What? No cookies for me?! That does it! Hidden Technique! Slaughtering innocent victim attack!**

**Me1 and Me2: AAAAH! RUN AWAY!**

**AUTHOR: HAHAHAHA! THAT WAS SO FUCKING FUNNY! SEE YOU LATER! JA NE! ARIGATO!**

**Next chapter: Keitaro's permanent slave… or what should have happened in the Manga…**


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